Man Who Sends His Parents £250 a Month Refused His Siblings’ Request for Several Thousand Pounds More — Called Their Reasons Questionable

Photo credit: AI-generated image created using ChatGPT. Illustrative only

A man living abroad says he’s stretched thin but still makes room in his budget to help his parents every month. The problem is that what started as steady support for the older generation has turned into repeated demands from his siblings—demands he says don’t add up.

In the original post, the 34-year-old explains that he works two jobs, puts in long hours, and is largely responsible for supporting his three daughters. Even with those obligations, he sends his parents around £250 each month and describes that help as something he’s happy to do.

He already had a system: work hard, pay bills, help his parents

From his perspective, the monthly payment to his parents isn’t a random gift—it’s a commitment he’s already built into his life. He lives in a foreign country away from his family, and that distance seems to come with its own expectations about money and duty.

He paints a picture of a tight but predictable routine: two jobs, long hours, and three kids relying on him. The £250 he sends isn’t framed as a sacrifice he resents. It’s more like a boundary he’s already set—this is what he can do, and he does it consistently.

That steady arrangement is part of why the newer requests hit differently. He isn’t describing a one-off emergency where everyone chips in. He’s describing a shift where more people started treating him like a backup bank account.

Then his siblings started asking—and the requests didn’t stay small

Recently, he says, his siblings have begun asking him for money too. Not in a “can you cover me until payday” way, but in a way that’s become more frequent over time.

What bothers him isn’t just the volume of requests—it’s the reasoning. He says some of the explanations feel “questionable or unnecessary,” which puts him in a tough spot. Saying no makes him feel like the villain. Saying yes makes him feel like he’s being used.

For someone already supporting children, the stakes aren’t theoretical. Every extra transfer can mean less buffer for rent, food, school costs, and whatever surprise expenses come with raising three daughters.

The breaking point: a brother with a job asked for thousands—twice in two weeks

The example that seemed to crystallize everything involved his younger brother. The brother lives in the United States, has a job, and supports himself—yet asked for several thousand pounds within the space of two weeks.

This wasn’t described as a medical emergency or a sudden crisis with no alternatives. The poster doesn’t share the specific reasons given, only that they didn’t feel necessary to him. And that gap—big money, short timeline, unclear justification—was enough to make him draw a line.

He said no. Not to helping his parents, but to the new expectation that he should also fund his siblings’ needs, wants, or financial missteps on demand.

Once he refused, guilt set in fast. He explains that, culturally, as the older sibling living abroad, there’s a sense he should always help financially. That expectation can be hard to shake, especially when family frames “help” as a moral obligation rather than a choice.

Why the guilt lands so hard when you’re the one who moved away

Even though he’s working long hours and raising his own kids, he’s still caught in a familiar dynamic: the family member who moved away is assumed to be doing better. Sometimes that’s true, sometimes it isn’t, and often it ignores the cost of living and the reality of supporting a household.

In his telling, the money he sends his parents feels grounded—supporting the people who raised him, helping them manage monthly needs. The sibling requests feel different, especially when the siblings are adults with their own jobs and lives.

But guilt doesn’t always care about spreadsheets. When a family has an unspoken rule that the oldest or the one abroad should cover gaps, refusing can feel like breaking tradition—even if the tradition is financially unsustainable.

That’s the tension he’s stuck with: he doesn’t want to be seen as abandoning anyone, yet he’s clear that he has “my own family to provide for” and doesn’t believe his siblings’ finances are his responsibility.

Most reactions centered on boundaries and protecting his kids first

The post is labeled “Not the A-hole,” signaling where the reaction landed. The basic logic is straightforward: he’s already contributing regularly to his parents, he’s raising three children, and he’s working two jobs. Adding “several thousand pounds” on short notice—especially more than once—simply isn’t a reasonable expectation for most households.

People also tend to focus on the pattern implied by his description: increasing frequency, big amounts, and explanations that don’t sit right. When requests come with vague reasoning, it puts the giver in a weak position—either pay to stop the conversation, or say no and brace for backlash.

Another common emphasis in these family money disputes is that “help” isn’t the same as “being responsible for.” He’s chosen to help his parents with a consistent monthly amount. That doesn’t automatically translate into being the family’s go-to lender, especially when he’s got dependents of his own.

What happens next is a family fight he can’t fully control

His biggest problem now isn’t the single refusal—it’s what the refusal might trigger. Once a family member starts saying no, some relatives accept it and adjust. Others push harder, arguing that the refusal itself proves the person has the money and is just withholding it.

And because he’s already sending £250 a month to his parents, there’s an extra complication: siblings could try to frame him as capable of doing more. To him, that monthly support is already part of what he can afford. To them, it might look like a baseline they can build on.

For now, he’s standing by his decision: keep helping his parents the way he has been, and stop funding siblings whose requests feel excessive and poorly justified. It’s a practical line—but it’s also the kind of line that can change family relationships, especially when money has become shorthand for loyalty.