New Mom Says Her MIL Took Over the Baby in the Hospital — Then Tried to Pick Him Up While He Screamed in Pain

A new mom says she went into birth wanting space, privacy, and a few quiet hours with her husband and baby before family came in. Instead, after a long induction, a hemorrhage, and a traumatic recovery, she felt like her mother-in-law moved in emotionally before she ever had a chance to feel like the baby’s mother.

She explained in a Reddit post that she lives with her South Asian in-laws and gave birth to the family’s first grandchild three weeks earlier. Her induction lasted four days, and at first, her mother-in-law’s daily visits to the hospital seemed kind. She brought home-cooked food and clothing when the poster had not expected the induction to drag on that long.

By day three, though, the mom was overwhelmed.

She said she felt like she only needed her husband beside her at that point. Before labor, she had told both her own mother and her MIL that she only wanted her husband in the delivery room. Both mothers insisted on waiting outside anyway, which already made her uneasy because she wanted a few hours alone as a new family before anyone else came in.

Then birth became physically difficult.

After her waters broke on day four, her mother-in-law asked to come to the hospital. The poster had a hemorrhage after delivery and a second-degree tear. Because doctors were working on her, she missed the “golden hour” and skin-to-skin time with her baby.

Her husband held their newborn while she was being treated. He later went out to show the baby to both mothers. After the bleeding stopped and she was stitched up, both mothers came into the delivery room with permission.

The poster was already in a vulnerable state. When her husband struggled to put on the baby’s first diaper, she asked her MIL to help him because she physically could not. But later, when the baby needed a second diaper change, the MIL offered again, and the mom said no. She wanted herself and her husband to do it.

Feeling flustered and trapped in a tiny curtained hospital space, she asked both mothers to leave.

They did.

But she remained in the hospital for two more days, and her MIL kept turning up unannounced, sometimes with the poster’s sisters-in-law and father-in-law. Everyone held the baby. Her MIL asked to hold him constantly and stayed from the beginning of visiting hours until the end.

That felt especially intense because the poster was going home to the same house as her MIL. This was not a grandmother who would have to wait weeks for another visit. She would be right there.

By the second day, the mom asked her husband to tell his mother not to visit. Instead of telling the truth — that his wife was physically and emotionally drained and needed space — he made up an excuse about hospital checks.

The MIL started asking when they were coming home.

When the family finally got discharged, the poster arrived home to her MIL, FIL, and sisters-in-law. She allowed them to hold the baby, but she was exhausted and wanted to go upstairs to rest. Her MIL offered to keep the baby downstairs while she slept.

The mom declined.

From there, the next three weeks felt like a constant struggle for control.

The same day they got home, her MIL wanted the next-door neighbors to come see the baby because they had brought a gift. The mom said no. Her baby was tiny, she needed to recover, and she was worried about flu and COVID exposure.

Then came the daily bedroom knocks.

The mom said her MIL would knock on her and her husband’s bedroom door again and again, asking about the baby and asking to come in. If the mom said the baby was sleeping or feeding, her MIL would respond with things like, “Still?” and ask when the baby was “free.”

When the MIL held him, it was often for 30 minutes to more than an hour. She would take him out of the mom’s room into her own room or ask to bring him downstairs. She even tried to wake him up just so she could hold him.

Visitors were another issue. The mom had a rule that guests could not hold the baby until he was older and had better immunity. Still, her MIL tried to pass him to guests or pressure the mom into letting them hold him. Once, while the mom was nursing, her MIL asked how long she was going to take because a guest was waiting to see the baby.

The criticism kept coming too.

When the mom wore the baby in a sling, her MIL said it was bad for his head. She repeatedly told her to put a hat on the baby indoors, even after the mom explained it was unsafe and against health guidance. If the baby was not wearing socks or a vest under his sleeper because the house was warm, the MIL said the mom was making him cold and even told the baby, “Mummy naughty.”

When the mom gave the baby a pacifier, the MIL kept taking it out of his mouth and saying he did not need it. Every time the baby cried, she came to the bedroom. When the baby got the flu at 4 days old, the MIL blamed the mom for not dressing him warmly enough, even though the father-in-law had been sick with the flu.

The mother-in-law also ignored safe sleep rules. After being told nothing should be in the crib, she still put a pillow beside the baby “so his head doesn’t get flat.”

On top of that, she tried to influence the baby’s name, pushed for a middle name she wanted, and constantly told the mom the baby was either hungry, not hungry, not getting enough milk, or gassy because of her breast milk and diet.

Eventually, the mom told her MIL she felt overwhelmed and overshadowed in caring for her own child. During that conversation, the MIL called the baby “her baby.” When the mom asked her to step back, the MIL cried, and a sister-in-law got involved.

The MIL later told the sister-in-law that the mom had treated her “like a dog” in the hospital because she would not let her change the second diaper, even though she had helped with the first one.

The breaking point came when the baby was suffering from colic.

The mom was doing gas-relief exercises while the baby screamed in pain. Her MIL asked to hold him. The mom said no because she was trying to relieve the gas first. The MIL insisted she wanted to spend time with her grandchild.

When the mom kept saying no, the MIL left the room. Ten minutes later, the baby was still screaming. The father-in-law came in and told the MIL to come. The MIL again told the mom to give her the baby.

The mom refused and gestured for her to stop.

Then, according to the poster, her MIL tried to pick the baby up from the sofa anyway. The mom got to him first, shouted, “Please… let me be a mum,” then stormed upstairs and slammed her bedroom door.

That night, she went to her mother’s house with the baby because she needed space.

Her husband did not understand. He said her behavior was erratic, that she made his mother cry, and that she needed to apologize. He also accused her of taking the baby away from him when she said she needed a mental health break at her mom’s house.

After four days, she returned home because of her husband. Her condition was that he had to talk to his mother again. He resisted at first and said she should have that conversation herself.

When she came back, the house felt cold and unwelcoming. Her husband told her everyone felt like they were walking on eggshells around her because of her outburst.

The mom tried explaining that the issue was not one moment. It was weeks of being corrected, crowded, interrupted, and made to feel incompetent. But her husband kept blaming hormones and saying she was making things up in her head.

Eventually, she told him she did not feel comfortable leaving the baby alone with his mother because she worried her MIL would do things her own way. Her husband responded that she was stopping his parents from seeing their grandchild, even though she said that was not what she meant.

A forced conversation with the MIL did not fully help. The MIL said she understood, then cried and told the poster to stay in her room with the baby if she wanted space. She also said that when the mom felt comfortable, she could “reintegrate” into “her family.”

That phrase made the poster feel even more shut out.

By the end, the new mom was questioning herself because everyone around her kept treating her like the problem. But the details she shared pointed to a much bigger issue: she was trying to recover from birth and bond with her baby in a house where another woman kept acting like she had equal claim.

Commenters overwhelmingly told her she was not wrong. Many said her husband was the biggest problem because he kept dismissing her concerns as hormones instead of protecting her space as a recovering mother.

A lot of people said the MIL was clearly overstepping, especially by trying to pick up the baby after the mom had already said no. Commenters said that crossed a bright line: when a parent says not to take the baby, no one should reach for the baby anyway.

Several commenters focused on the safe sleep concerns. Putting a pillow in a newborn’s crib after being told not to was not a harmless difference of opinion. It was the kind of thing that made the mom’s fear about unsupervised time reasonable.

Others said the MIL’s language mattered too. Calling the baby “my baby,” demanding to know when the baby was “free,” and saying the mother could later “reintegrate” into the family all made it sound like the MIL saw herself as central and the actual mother as an obstacle.

Some commenters told the poster to stay with her own mother longer if that was the only place she could recover and build confidence. Others urged her to get outside support, including a health visitor, midwife, doctor, or counselor, because the stress and isolation sounded heavy.

The strongest advice was clear: the baby’s mother gets to be the mother. Help that makes her feel small, unsafe, or pushed out is not help.